1. This won’t be the first time your mind gets blown
Cereal is a breakfast soup.
2. You’re messing with my head right now
There is no reason the alphabet needs to be in any sort of order.
3. History, man, history is history
That at every point in history, back to the dawn of humanity, an ancestor of yours was alive.
4. What? WHAT?
You’re reading this in your accent, not the accent it was written in.
5. The moment when you realize your consciousness
I often try to remember my first moment of consciousness and I believe it was when I was 7. I remember distinctly thinking, “I am here and in control.” Everything before that was a blur of random action without thinking of the consequence and not feeling guilt. I didn’t care about making friends up until that point either. I would just wander around on my own. Weird.
6. “Battle” it out
Most sports are really just a metaphor for war.
7. Aw shit, no one’s got it together
Other people don’t have a clue, either.
8. Always listen to your mom
My parents were right about most things.
9. This is true a million times over
That teenagers are annoying as fuck, and I used to be one.